Sex feels like a weak handshake, like when someone barely grabs your hand

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SomeInternetBloke
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Sex feels like a weak handshake, like when someone barely grabs your hand

Post by SomeInternetBloke » Mon May 17, 2021 1:22 am

disclaimer: serious so don't laugh at me or do I don't care lol.

I can barely feel sex. yes, my equipment works fine. this is the most embarrassing thing I've shared online before. I haven't had a girlfriend since 2005 because sex is a mother fucking joke. Frankly, I don't know I even keep trying the routine. I know it like you know the visual layout of your living quarters without even seeing it - but I feel almost nothing. why is everyone so excited and titillated by the sex act? fuck if I know. feels like shaking hands with a dead person most times. the only good sex I've had is with a Latina chick who seemed like she came out the womb privately tutored as a shaft technician or something. wait, I was high on marijuana so that doesn't count. sorry, I'm just really pissed because there are so many missing traits in this skin sack of a body of mine. FOOOOK! :ph34r:
Last edited by SomeInternetBloke on Mon May 17, 2021 9:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
"My favourite song from one of my favourite albums, Nena asking you to please, please let her be your pirate. So smooth and joyful, I have to listen to it three times if I listen once" - ashi

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Utisz
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Re: Sex feels like a weak handshake

Post by Utisz » Mon May 17, 2021 6:36 am

SomeInternetBloke wrote:
Mon May 17, 2021 1:22 am
why is everyone so excited and titillated by the sex act? fuck if I know. feels like shaking hands with a dead person most times.
Maybe you're just asexual?

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SomeInternetBloke
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Re: Sex feels like a weak handshake

Post by SomeInternetBloke » Mon May 17, 2021 8:05 am

could be nerve endings issues. maybe then I need to do the straight male equivalent of a white woman hunting for a BBC ane thah boosh- kinda thing. an angry big hipped thick-thicky thotalina to pound my hip bones into dust. that'll do the trick!

*soprano sax and swaying* thotty thotalina, you're the only one for me.

let's take an aeroplane to a nude beach in New Jersey

we can just go, shoogy boogy-boogy

WE can JUST gooooo, shoogy boogy-boogy

I love you down in my sooooul, shoogy boogy-boogy

he's my maaaaan, he's the only one for me

we'll travel the world and see what is to see

we'll make love with lots of feelsies

cause I'm gonna crush that nigga hip bones into dust

shoogy boogy-boogy



asexual huh? say, we're friends in that warmly detached kinda way. I just wanna say thanks for giving a shit. :cool:

(edit)

could be something supernatural like my future bride to be is in a terrible relationship that drives her to pester God with overly specific prayer requests like, "no (good) sex until marriage." as penance for breaking the tora? hm. I'm flattered to be the rescuer in this scenario. feels empowering. I'm wondering if my mental state is the cause of my masculine malady?
"My favourite song from one of my favourite albums, Nena asking you to please, please let her be your pirate. So smooth and joyful, I have to listen to it three times if I listen once" - ashi

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JohnClay
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Re: Sex feels like a weak handshake, like when someone barely grabs your hand

Post by JohnClay » Mon May 17, 2021 11:02 am

When I was a teenager I felt a bit of an orgasm. When I became a depressed atheist at about the age of 18 or 19 I didn't have an orgasm and I would get tears in my eyes when I ejaculated. Then I became manic. For me it seems like the pressure of the ejaculation is related to the orgasm - a strong spurt would involve an orgasm... a very gradual low pressure ejaculation would mean little to no orgasm. Lately it seems that I get absolutely no orgasm if I masturbate but I have pleasure when I have sex with my wife. I announce to her "I came" (like in the movie "Happiness"), then I continue to pull myself to keep on ejaculating as much as possible and I feel some pleasure.
I think things feel better without a condom (I've tried once or twice) and will hopefully get a vasectomy in the future.

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SomeInternetBloke
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Re: Sex feels like a weak handshake, like when someone barely grabs your hand

Post by SomeInternetBloke » Tue May 18, 2021 4:19 am

(edit)
for the record, the women I refer to are considered delicate. this is probably an easy fix. cross fit masculine women are really attractive. also, just to keep the excessively weird gag going I've included an actual google link for images that I used to find arousing while on *psilesiban mushrooms. To quote Danny Devito from IASIP, "I pounded off to 'em" sort of a way to de-stress from poor compatibility with the other gender.

The preference's been anchored in my mental database. I still find those images fun to look at but haven't tugged to them it in years.

*(don't care about words because they don't care about me; meh, call it a neologism)
"My favourite song from one of my favourite albums, Nena asking you to please, please let her be your pirate. So smooth and joyful, I have to listen to it three times if I listen once" - ashi

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SomeInternetBloke
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Re: Sex feels like a weak handshake, like when someone barely grabs your hand

Post by SomeInternetBloke » Tue May 18, 2021 4:35 am

also, you might be onto something JC.

"My favourite song from one of my favourite albums, Nena asking you to please, please let her be your pirate. So smooth and joyful, I have to listen to it three times if I listen once" - ashi

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SomeInternetBloke
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Re: Sex feels like a weak handshake, like when someone barely grabs your hand

Post by SomeInternetBloke » Fri May 21, 2021 1:40 am

"My favourite song from one of my favourite albums, Nena asking you to please, please let her be your pirate. So smooth and joyful, I have to listen to it three times if I listen once" - ashi

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JohnClay
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Re: Sex feels like a weak handshake, like when someone barely grabs your hand

Post by JohnClay » Fri May 21, 2021 10:34 pm

SomeInternetBloke wrote:
Tue May 18, 2021 4:35 am
also, you might be onto something JC.
Hi I'm not sure what those videos have to do with sex.... though in the first one it said "I'm too old for one night stands".

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SomeInternetBloke
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Re: Sex feels like a weak handshake, like when someone barely grabs your hand

Post by SomeInternetBloke » Fri May 21, 2021 11:18 pm

JohnClay wrote:
Fri May 21, 2021 10:34 pm
SomeInternetBloke wrote:
Tue May 18, 2021 4:35 am
also, you might be onto something JC.
Hi I'm not sure what those videos have to do with sex.... though in the first one it said "I'm too old for one-night stands".
Your life illustrates monogamy and career/income deference - the substance of 'making it work' in a relationship.
"My favourite song from one of my favourite albums, Nena asking you to please, please let her be your pirate. So smooth and joyful, I have to listen to it three times if I listen once" - ashi

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JohnClay
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Re: Sex feels like a weak handshake, like when someone barely grabs your hand

Post by JohnClay » Sat May 22, 2021 12:06 am

SomeInternetBloke wrote:
Fri May 21, 2021 11:18 pm
Your life illustrates monogamy and career/income deference - the substance of 'making it work' in a relationship.
If I wanted to continue being in a relationship with my wife I had to marry her. If I cheated on her I might lose her. She doesn't seem open to a threesome.
Though I have always wanted to be married.
I am forced to have a job (trolley pushing) otherwise I need to get money from my wife.

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