INTP Live

An ex partner bought me a shirt that says ‘Flirt harder; I’m an INTP.’

I was going to take a picture but it’s in storage, and with my spouse (we are quarantined from each other because he’s being forced to teach in person and I’m high risk).

So I went searching for a simulacrum online and it’s not there anymore, somehow.

But I did find this:

Tag yourself I’m the huge face.

We are majestic.

EDITED

oops, side effects of drinking too much caffeine is writing too much. my bad.

elfsprin wrote: ↑

Sun Nov 28, 2021 6:26 pm

Tag yourself I’m the huge face.

We are majestic.

I'm the plain-looking brownish one.

the guy and girl dancing in this video is basically flirting for 99% of men. she wiggles her finger as if to say, "I'm in charge and you can't touch until I say so"... meh, plenty more not-so-prudish cuties to hit on, next! (or is there?)

I remember the first time I saw Double Indemnity and being floored by the raciness of this scene.

For the most part, I have no idea when I'm being flirted with. I should say had cuz I don't think it's happened in years. Whoa, no, I take that back. I remember after giving some remarks and doing a reading some lady came up to me and asked if I spoke professionally. Then quite dreamily said, "I could just listen to you speak all day." I'd say that woulda been a slam dunk for flirting but this happened to be at a funereal, so I dunno.

There have been a few times over the years, like, not a common occurrence, where I was out with a female friend, non-dating scenario, where I found out I was being flirted with based on a strange reaction by female friend. Like, I was eating with someone at this place and where you go to the counter to order your food, then go sit down to eat. I think someone brings you your food. I had never been there and asked a few questions and one of the ladies behind the counter was explaining things to me and gave me a small sample. I just thought she was being helpful and they had those sample wood spoons, so nothing to indicate she was going out of her way but as we started eating I looked at my tray and said while looking around that I need a napkin. Before I can even stand up my friend in the most snide way sneers, "Why don't you get your little friend to give you one?!" Wow, where did that come from?? Another time I was out to lunch after church with two older women and I didn't think anything of the exchanges but one of the women says something like, "The next time that waitress (or maybe hostess??) comes over, I'm gonna ask her if she'd like to sit in Spartan's lap, maybe she'd be more comfortable there." O-M-G! Wah? She's like 20 years older than me and have known each other for years, like nothing ever remotely romantic about us but I'm saying huh and the lady's sister was commenting on how that other lady was really flirting with me. I didn't even think she was doing anything to angle for a bigger tip.

I don't think I can flirt. I've had some pretty good exchanges but it never worked to where I ended up getting her number or going out. There's a degree of subtly that I can't quite get. Like, where either I've been so subtle that when I try to close the sale and ask for her number or to go out, she's like a 3 year old in front of a jack in the box. Or, I feel so direct that that scares them. Not even crude or directly talking about sex but it's like they'd tuck their tail between their legs and run. I know, it makes me sound like Quasimodo but there's a sweet spot somewhere in-between I can't quite seem to get.

SomeInternetBloke wrote: ↑

Mon Nov 29, 2021 1:15 am

the guy and girl dancing in this video is basically flirting for 99% of men. she wiggles her finger as if to say, "I'm in charge and you can't touch until I say so"... meh, plenty more not-so-prudish cuties to hit on, next! (or is there?)

Hmm.

In the BDSM space, I present as a dominant and people definitely perceive me as dominant. There is implied consent for me to present as ‘one in power’ or in control, though of course I get explicit consent to actually speak to someone or act with someone as a dominant. My point is there’s permission to present as such within the confines of that bubble of social interaction, to put out that vibe as my ‘table stakes.’ It’s also easier in that space for me to read when some else is excited by that vibe and wants it directed at them, whereas similar behavior out in the world at large isn’t obvious to me… because we aren’t necessarily all playing at the same table with the same rules.

In the realm of flirtation is seems gross to me to present as one who is ‘inciting a chase,’ or who is looking to chase. I very much approach people I’m interested in as being on equal footing and without any pretense of having some kind of right to their body or to even look at their body in any particular way. Once I get some explicit consent that kind of stuff comes into play.

I think this approach comes off as platonic and when people match me in that approach I interpret their interest as platonic, and so need an explicit verbal assertion that there’s more-than-platonic interest there.

All my partners have been into BDSM, since I became ENM. My spouse self-identifies as vanilla though he is into a bit of power exchange, but we started out monogamous and moved into ENM together.

It’s just so much clearer when everyone is focused on consent, setting healthy boundaries, and engaging in clear communication. Until I get the flirting thing figured out, maybe my partners will need to continue to be in the kink community.

When I was in my prime as a flirtee I just assumed people were making fun of me. “LMAO imagine someone actually flirting with this guy.” I didn’t realize I was, at one time, something of a catch until my late thirties. I guess I could still flirt. I’m just not a naughty person and I think that’s the well-spring of good flirting. I mean, I’m a straight up bad person, but I don’t revel in it like naughty flirters. Not sure if I’m a complete coward or genuinely unwilling to make people uncomfortable. I sometimes sense I have the green light to display some personality but I’d really rather not. I like anonymity. I’d rather be alone than be an entity in the establishments I frequent. I just keep it real Lutheran.

I've missed some very blatant signals. And when I do perceive signals my instinct is to withdraw because I'm generally not looking for that in my life. Even when I'm single and lonely and they're attractive, it's a bunch of emotional stress stuff with a stranger that I usually just don't want to get into. When I do get into things with people they tend to be intense things with other weirdly intense people like me. People I can trust more because I understand them.

My style of initiation is also very direct and that turns a lot of people off. idk, I'm bad at small talk and conversations about nothing. It's true what they say though, you have to just be yourself and let people decide whether they like you. At least I do.