When I was in my prime as a flirtee I just assumed people were making fun of me. “LMAO imagine someone actually flirting with this guy.”
I feel this pretty hard.
I'm gonna tell stories.
► Show Spoiler
So when I was in high school, I genuinely didn't give thought to social stuff. It just didn't enter into my brain to be considering things like popularity and where I stood on the social ladder etc. I mean I'm not an idiot (maybe? lol) so I knew who the popular people were and stuff but aside from basic recognition it didn't really factor into my daily thought process at all.
I had a group of three friends that I made right away in 7th grade (my high school was 7-12), all weirdos like me, and that was more than satisfactory. Unfortunately that friend group crumbled in 11th grade and I thereby became something of a 'free agent' socially, heh.
Looking back I think I was probably teased, and there are definitely anecdotes I could tell where I was bullied, by the cool kids. But I just didn't care. I think this not caring was just so.... impervious... that the cool kids' brains exploded and I ended up being someone that they sought after to gain approval once I was a free agent. Like I so much didn't care about whether I had their approval or not, that they went into a tail spin and decided they needed mine.
*they hurt themselves in their confusion!*
At the time I thought some of their subsequent actions were still them making fun of me. But looking back I think it was the reverse as stated above.
Example: Senior year we had to submit a year-long work of art into a professional art competition (yeah my high school was intense), so during the first semester I ended up spending a lot of my recess time in the art room either working on my submission or just doodling other things to take a break. After a couple weeks of this, the cool kids starting gradually creeping in to also work on their pieces. One day, I had just started copying a picture to relax, and the coolest boy in school suddenly said, from behind me, 'you are a goddess.' I looked over my shoulder with quirked eyebrows but didn't say anything. I mean, I had only drawn one line so far... so why was he complimenting my drawing already? That was my thought process at the time.
That same guy and his number two guy did a bunch of other things which I now recognize as flirtation, but which at the time just baffled me and seemed nonsensical. I think they definitely both tried to date me, even though dating wasn't allowed at our school on pain of expulsion. But my total lack of recognition of flirtation made me impervious to all their advances.
The cool girls who had teased/bullied me a lot previously also ended up soliciting my presence in their group, I just went along with it if was academically relevant. Looking back on some of those memories is a real head trip haha.
Oh I suppose I should add that the thought *did* cross my mind at the time that maybe this was just more teasing in the vein of 'She's All That' ... which is why it was a relevant story to tell in response to your post heh. But looking back I think it was genuine.
BTW my parents and their ancestors were all Lutheran and my grandpa was a Lutheran pastor. I also went to a Lutheran school that my dad worked at. An interesting thing is that none of my relatives have been divorced or separated. I think the only close relative who was separated/divorced is my mother's brother's wife's sister. And her son died in a car crash.
Warm, if a little terse. Clean language. Not prying but helpful. Self-deprecating in a non-vitriolic kinda way. Not much for gossip. Smug but feels bad about it. Just my interpretation. I’m not a theologian.
Warm, if a little terse. Clean language. Not prying but helpful. Self-deprecating in a non-vitriolic kinda way. Not much for gossip. Smug but feels bad about it. Just my interpretation. I’m not a theologian.
Thanks for explaining - that was very in depth. When I was in high school I'd refuse to swear. I was horrified when a character had to say the D word in a play for English even though it was a Lutheran school (the girl playing the character had no problem with it - the same girl who wanted to have sex with me). I used to have no interest in gossip but now I can be fascinated with it. Though now I'm not Lutheran.
Warm, if a little terse. Clean language. Not prying but helpful. Self-deprecating in a non-vitriolic kinda way. Not much for gossip. Smug but feels bad about it. Just my interpretation. I’m not a theologian.
I think I had this same thread on INTPc but I'm doing it again anyway.
Do you understand how to flirt? Can you detect flirtation when it's directed at you? How explicitly do the words 'I am attracted to you and would like to explore that some more' have to be vocalized before you recognize that someone else is interested in you? Any particularly good excerpts from media regarding flirtation that rev your analysis engine?
No.
I am absolutely pathetic at this. Indeed it probably maintained my virginal status far longer than necessary and also led to marriage from hell in my case.
At high school there was a girl I really liked as a friend (D), and I look now at the letters she wrote me, ane the conversations we had, and she was certainly interested in 'dating'. I would have been delighted had I noticed this whilst unsuccessfully navigating teenage life. Later I passed up multiple good opportunities due to social cluelessness and chronic shyness. Eventually I ended up in an abusive marriage due to this which not only ruined my 20s and 30s, but also badly affected my three eldest children.
When I met A, I had had managed to overcome these issues enough to at least ask her out for a drink. Thank goodness for that as very happy these days. But no, dreadful at both flirting and spotting flirting.
Re: flirtation
Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2021 9:11 pm
by Yesterday
Apparently I flirt like a straight up loon.
Yeah, I long for the days ashi and I once had before she squeezed on her ski mask.
Ok I'll stop.
Not possible you say?
*Covertly slides in the autism card* Btw y'all, I start my lower cased b.s. in mafs in a couple months.
Edit
Once I (too) find a job and move out of the hobo zoo. Jk, hobo is deragotory to me. BTW, I prayed tonight and tons of cool stuff happened. The loud angry announcer lady was switched to a nice one. Our trays of grool (lasagna) were served with a smile. Everyone is nice tonight.
Religion meh. Bible yeah. Religion meh. Bible yeah. That Jesus is real. Those SDAs got it right. But most their churches stink of hypocricy. But who doesn't amirite. Just my singular experience though. You lot are very bright and get my drift.
Yes I keep the seventh day as Sabbath. Google sensei Dr. Sang Lee (cool Korean cat). He's a master at expositing about the benefits of keeping the Sabbath on Saturday. Ok I go now bye bye
Warm, if a little terse. Clean language. Not prying but helpful. Self-deprecating in a non-vitriolic kinda way. Not much for gossip. Smug but feels bad about it. Just my interpretation. I’m not a theologian.
I think I had this same thread on INTPc but I'm doing it again anyway.
Do you understand how to flirt? Can you detect flirtation when it's directed at you? How explicitly do the words 'I am attracted to you and would like to explore that some more' have to be vocalized before you recognize that someone else is interested in you? Any particularly good excerpts from media regarding flirtation that rev your analysis engine?
No. I pretty much need a flow-chart.
Re: flirtation
Posted: Thu Dec 30, 2021 3:09 pm
by DumFuq
I've been out of the game for several years at this point, but back in the day I was able to flirt pretty well.
It was 25% good natured teasing, 25% genuine compliments and the rest was just 'feeling the vibe' and going with it. Most importantly, it has to come from an authentic place. If you try to make it mental / procedural -- as if other people are an achievement to be unlocked with linguistic configurations -- it's just going to come off as stilted and weird.
What I used to do was really think about what I liked about a girl (aside from her physical appearance) and then go up to her and say it. "You look like you think more than you talk" or whatever. It always looks corny AF in text, but that's what worked. And if it clicked, the flirting seemed natural from there because you're both just building on mutual interest.
Also (and this is unsurprising), but if you dress well and take care of yourself physically it goes a long way towards people being receptive to such comments.